A little rant from me to you!

What is with all the complaining mummy bloggers? I get parenting is hard and other parents can identify with that but do we really need 50 000 blogs on changing dirty nappies with no sleep and details of how embarrassing it can be to wrangle your children through Kmart screaming. Suddenly it's all I hear from mothers everywhere. As a non mum I'm over it. I get it, mothers are finally being encouraged to acknowledge the fact that no parent is perfect which is a really positive step but does that mean we need to hear about it all the time! The worst are the mummy bloggers who swear all time- yes I know you turn to social media because you can't use a "naughty word" in front of your toddler but does that mean "fuck" has to make up 40% of your word count? Seriously...


What I worry about is these blogs tend to glorify wishing away the day with your kids and calling yourself inadequate. They too often talk about feeling sadness and hopeless that this is their new life. "I never thought my life would amount to changing diapers covered in baby chuck with a naked toddler smudging play dough into the carpet" and the like. We both know that's not what your life is about! This is a stage of your life in your very important journey as a mother- who knows who your little monkey will become. At least you have managed to provide your kids with play dough, carpet, nappies and a mother! Your life right now is so important.


 Parents that suggest they have failed because their child is eating pasta for dinner, again whilst watching Pepper Pig. Hey guess what - no one cares!!! I am sure parents have used these strategies since the beginning of time but just not turned to social media to rant about it.


 Child birth is another one. I don't care how you did it!!! Pain killer free or taking everything you could get. At home or in hospital. Through your vag or via c section. The fact is your baby won't care either. Just get on with it, pat yourself on the back, continue to love that little monkey you are super lucky to have! People that can't have babies of their own don't care about if their baby came out of the mouth of a giraffe in Africa as long as they have healthy human baby to love!


 I guess my thought is it's time for a new perspective. You're in the game, you've successfully become a mother by whatever means and you're probably doing a damn good job, heck you're probably enjoying it and given the choice you'd do it all again. So stop... Stop pretending you think you're a bad parent. Stop with the "FML" Some people will never get the experience of waking through the night to cradle their screaming baby in the moonlight. Some people struggling to become parents long for the dirty nappies and disturbed showers. The mothers glow as she walks through the supermarket sweaty covered in dribble and other bodily fluids is something many one day long for because it comes with the good stuff. Parenting sound like it can be a pain, it can be embarrassing but it's also a privilege some will never have.


 It's ok to be flawed as a parent and it's ok to talk about it but let's keep our eyes open. How do you think it is for people who secretly long to be parents hear you talk about how much you wish you could swap places for the night just for a good nights sleep? I am sure you appreciate being a parent so let's talk about that too.


 Before all the mummy bloggers go crazy - I get that this community is important but is it too much to ask that you balance your complaining with some positivity? No one should turn on you for acknowledging yourself as a good mum who often enjoys being a parent!

Long distance love survival guide

Survival guide Build common goals- when you don't live together you need some things talk about. Call on your friends but don't expect them to fully understand- they are good for wine and pizza, they love you but expecting them to understand how you feel is asking too much. Take control of your thoughts- you're in this relationship because you want to be. Own your decision so you don't feel defeated. Have a pity party for a day or two and then stop, shake it off and look ahead. You're already two days closer to when you see them again. Ask your partner questions- what was the best part of your day and what was the worst part. If you can only talk once a month the best/worst question is also a good one. If you're living in the house where you were living together- change it up! Keep it the way you want to. Play the music you love that they may not like because you can! I love the fact that when my husband is away all the decorative cushions stay exactly the way I like them! Find these perks. If you're lonely consider getting a flat mate. It adds another dimension to your independent world. Pick your moments: you wouldn't raise an important issue whilst on the train if you were going to see them when you got home. This same rule applies. If you need to raise something important make sure they're in a private space with time to discuss the issue just like you would if they were with you (I hope). Send selfies of you doing the normal things like drinking a cup of tea or cooking dinner in your PJ's. They want to see you just they way you are usually at home not all dolled up all the time. Keep it real! Don't count the days unless you personally find that helpful. Sometimes it can make it seem overwhelming! Just chip away one day at a time.

Thoughts of a lonely lover..

I'm flying back to Sydney from Adelaide aware I won't see Rich for at least another month. It's a weird kind of marriage but it is what it is and I wouldn't want anyone else. I try rationalise it- our time together is so good maybe it would be greedy to have that all the time. I know that's silly but it's hard to accept that we'll pretty much be apart from now until November as he'll be in Perth until June then off to the Middle East. As I'm a planner I tend to think of the future and the big picture however I'm learning- being married to someone in the military means sometimes you have to take things one day at a time. I'm working on something us counsellors would call "cognitive reframe" by challenging some of the "poor me" thoughts I've been having. The first thought I used to have all the time is "he's chosen to be in the navy and because of that we're apart so he needs to be there for me" I probably didn't think enough about the fact that this is hard for him too. I'm not completely at fault because he never talked about anything to show he needed support but he does. Now when I'm feeling like I'm going to fall apart I think "come on Em be strong for your husband he needs you" for some reason this helps me to put my tears to one side, take a deep breath and be present for the little bits of time we do have together. I'll be strong for my marriage, I chose him with open eyes so I chose this too. The second thought I've been having is "from the moment we say goodbye every second is closer to when we'll see each other again". This has been helping me get on with things. The first few days are the hardest so just chip away because they won't last forever, he won't be gone forever, you can't cry forever- eventually there will be sleep and then you're another day closer to his embrace.

A moment to reconnect

It seems crazy to think I have not written here for such a long time. Last time I blogged I was in a relationship with Rich but he’d been away a bit for work so I spent a lot of time out with the girls out observing the madness of Sydney single life. Now Rich and I are married and those same girls and I get together for dinner parties with our husbands and talk about furniture, cooking and trying to maintain a work life balance (sometimes more successfully than others). I’m staring down the path to the rest of my life and complete with all the challenges I know are coming my way I’m excited for what the future holds. I hope to rebuild my relationship with this blog and use it as a forum to process life in this big wide world. Adventures are waiting...

Into the Wild

The Sydney single scene is madness! Female tigers ditch their stripes and eagerly bolt down George Street whilst throwing back the local river water- vodka. They have been locked away in their cages all day and now they are ready to perform as the clock ticks past five on a Friday afternoon. Down to the river they bound as they are off to tackle their pray… Blissfully unaware of the pack moving in on them the penguins wait. They can be found huddled together around Ryan’s River waiting for Hendrix to flow over the ice cold rocks into their dry salivating beaks. Alas it is the weekend, time to drink away their worries and forget about all the chicks to feed when there are not enough fish in the sea. This unusual bread of Penguin comes in all shapes and sizes. Although predominantly black from behind they come in short, tall, large and small. What appears to be ideal pray may turn around and suddenly not be all that he seemed. Tigers with a well trained eye know there are some things to look for when assessing a penguin, consider the pads on his feet, the colour of his chest, the cleanliness of his hair and most of all the smell from his beak! Ladies, don’t be fooled by a cluster of penguins; no two are alike leaving them unpredictable for any tiger who considers them as pray. To some it may seem unusual to find both Penguins and Tigers in the same place, but this world is every bit as weird and wacky as it seems. There are no rules to guide how you play the game only that you must be over eighteen enter, anything else is fair play. Remember, if you are stepping into the wild this week try not to stand too close to the river as your eye sight may become limited, your tiger instincts may become out of control and in some situations you could start to pounce on meat too young for your years or too old, tough and grey. To avoid this disaster keep a fellow tiger close at all times. Other tigers can be the difference between surviving in the wild and being devoured by a penguin when you least expect it.

An UnChair Affair

You know you are not going to have a good day when you get to work and your chair is missing! I have been in my job for two years now and without know it I have formed quite an attachment to my chair. I had not thought about this until I arrived at work yesterday and it was gone! Now I can't get comfortable on the new grey chair that sits in it's place. The gray chair is not welcome under my desk and it I get the impression it feels the same way about me. The back of it leans so far towards me that it feels as though it wants to push me off, on top of this the arms on it don't fit under my desk. This chair and I will not be friends.

Humble

Around this time of year people take some time to reflect and think about what they could do better in the year to come. Having lost two mobile phones in the last 5 months my first new year’s resolution is to not lose my phone all through 2011! My second (amongst many) improvement area is that I would like to focus more on being “humble”. When I talk about people who I respect and admire I find myself so often using the word “humble” to describe them. I tend to think this means quietly confident. I love this quality in people! I don’t consider myself a humble person. I get so excited when I do something well that I tend to tell anyone who will listen. I’m a “talker” and I don’t think being such a chatter box is going to help me with this but I’ll give it a go. So, in 2011 I would like to improve at my job as much as I can so that I can be confident in new and daunting work situations. I want to be quietly confident and remain open to change and new ideas.
In the January issue of Cosmo 2011 they explain that you should have an inspiration board so every day you can face the future which you want to build for yourself, and ultimately through hard work and positivity you should achieve your dreams. These images and words of inspiration should be ideas not objects to purchase in the store. My first word will be “Humble” and I am about to go write it on a pink post it. What would your word be?

Image from http://connect.in.com/princess-diana-crash-photos/images-princess-diana-3-332741542142.html

fuzzzzz

Today one of my clients sent a big bunch of flowers to me at work just to say thanks. The card read “To Emily, thank you for all your hard work! You’re the best! From …” out of nowhere I got this incredible unexpected validation that I am doing something useful which people appreciate. It was one of my most satisfying moments of my professional career thus far and I have been carrying the flowers around the house, room to room so I can look at them wherever I am.
Around Christmas everyone gives out warm fuzzy messages in cards saying how much people mean to them. What I am wondering is why do we wait? Why wait for a special occasion to tell someone they are doing a good job, are a great friend or that you appreciate them. Yesterday was the day to start telling people how special they are, did you? If not its better late than never so get your warm fuzzy face on!

November

The world is spinning, around and around. People are winning they jump from the ground.
I’m still standing, standing tall. Making changes big and small.
My life is simple, not moving fast. Day to day, settled at last.
So I watch others with a smile. Knowing it might be me in a while
But for now I keep my pace, wondering through my life, not entering the race.

Converted

It's not easy to admit this but I am officially writing this on my mum's iPad. I am on the couch watching a rather ordinary Tom Hanks movie and holding onto hope that it will get better. A week or two ago we got foxtel IQ, at least I can fast forward the bad bits. Technology is not THAT bad.

ipad fever

Over the weekend my mum (who has never used a computer before) became the proud new owner of an ipad. Why? Who knows! My darling mother, in my opinion, is good at most things. When it comes to cooking she’s a star. I don’t know if the passion is there to make her the best star in the sky, but she has many skills which I appreciate on a regular basis. Mum’s main cooking skill is her ability to toss all the left over’s from the fridge into one dish, add some egg and milk around it, put it in the oven and call it quiche. Most of the time it’s brilliant.
Another skills of mum’s is problem solving, with a little bit of stress rash on her neck mum can fix almost any day to day problem, she has juggled three demanding daughters and my dad who might aswell be a child too at times. Now she juggles a house hold with grown up children and children in laws who refuse to fly the nest (at least on a long term basis). Mum designs houses in a flash as she scribbles floor plans on glad bake with such ease. She comes up with designs that are so great she has a team of builders, tilers, electricians and other tradies constantly in a state of impressed shock.
Anyway, you get the picture. The point to this babble is to say that she has many talents however technology is not one of them so why start now? According to answers.com the first PC was made in August 1981. I can remember my dad bringing home our first family computer when I was about six. This means mum has had access to a home computer for around 17 years. In this time, despite the constant teasing and many conversations going way over her head, good old mumma K has never even shown an interest in turning one on. My grandmother commenced using computers about 12 years ago as she got into Photoshop, from that moment on all our birthday and Christmas cards featured our faces superimposed into green fields or stuck on top of some random's face in a far away destination. She called these masterpieces granny graphics. At the peak of her computer passion my grandmother offered to assist my sister with her uni assignments on computer stating that she would have them done “easy as pie”. This may have been helpful and not condescending if my sister wasn’t studying to be a graphic designer! (My grandmother is another story for another day!)

So why is it that we are experiencing a technology invasion? Iphones are everywhere, even I am trying to justify purchasing one. People are starting to genuinely believe they need things which they clearly don’t. Pretty much my mother now has a $1000 photo album to take to sewing. Technology is taking away so many of life’s treasures. I loved looking through photo albums with my Nan. How are we going to explain this to our grandchildren “now deary I would like to show you photos of our family history however my ipad became obsolete 40 years ago and I never learnt to back up so our family history went down the drain when my battery died”.

I just don’t understand or appreciate this huge tecnology take over. They are always making something new and it's a constant battle to keep up with the times! For all my teasing, I liked that mum looked in a cook book rather than printed something off a web site. Now she can just google I feel sad for the pages in cook books that go unturned all over the world thanks to computers. Personally for me I like the clutter that comes with being behind the times. I enjoy having my big red diary and pen, a gps, a camera, a phone and an ipod in my handbag. Having a device that could do all these tasks in one would ruin the fun and make me look far less official!

So mum, if your ipad now leads you to start blogging and you come across this, remember the good old days of paper, pens, printing photos and CD's. You are one of the only oldies left behind the times, in a land where there were no computers. I like that you refused to conform and I hope your ipad does not mean that your cook books will sit unopened and our photo albums unloved. I hope you still do Sudoku once a week when they come in the paper rather than letting your ipad have all the fun. Mostly, I beg you, stay off Facebook!!!!!!! It’s bad enough having a mum with cooler toys than me let alone have everyone knwo about it!

Forever 21 Forever

Thanks to my shopaholic sister Laura I have discovered Forever21 online, when I went to America last year I knew I loved the store but did not think of accessing their glorious goodies from my very own trusty computer!! Saying its awesome is an understatement!! I did a big order of 16 items about 3 weeks ago and they arrived on Friday. So happy! I got 2 pairs of really cute socks, heart stockings, a ring, a headband, a jumper, 2x t-shirts and 2x dressy tops for $164. I could not be happier! They have yellow tag deals where they put a few new items online and on sale for 24 hours! Shipping is $30US no matter how much you buy. It’s all such a bargain and the accessories are so cute that there is no chance you could possibly get buyers regret without being an idiot! I advise anyone with a credit card to get amongst it! It will change your wardrobe and your world! Even better do a big order with your friends and only pay postage once! Come on, change your world… You wouldn’t… www.forever21.com

wedding bliss and make-up miss

Saturday was a beautiful day, my stunning oldest sister got married. The weather was perfect and the bride was just incredible (not bias at all). Beautiful flowers, table setting, cars, service, and people (for the most part). The exhausting thing which puts a dampener on days like this is annoying individuals who feel the need to make repeated tall comments or ask stupid questions. Being the youngest of three girls and the only one not married everyone has decided it’s my turn next which it could be eventually, but where is the hurry!? I could not escape inappropriate prying questions all day. Lucky for the most part I found it funny as I got amusement by giving equally inappropriate answers.

The make-up artist who came to make us pretty was vile. She kept calling us “sexy” and “chickie babe” and I was thinking “umm lady we just met”. She knew I worked with kids in foster care and then kept on going on and on and on about my height and asking why my mum was so short. She delighted in touching my head when I stood up even though my hair was just done. It was a stressful morning which I had wanted to enjoy chatting to my sister and the other brides’ maids but this woman would not shut up and give us a chance. In summary she thought she was awesome and wanted Annabel’s day to be about her. By the end of it I’d had enough. I made smart arse remarks in response to her stupid comments because I knew I’d never see her again. This woman was so ignorant and into herself she didn’t even realize what was happening. By the end of it she seemed to think we were best friends having a joke so I decided to avoid her entirely. The lucky people that get her for their wedding next haha! Good news is the make-up was fine and if we could have muted her she would have been close to perfect.

Warning: do not browse blogs

So I was just flicking through other people's blogs and this girl had a section in hers called "today's good news" her good news for today was “this morning when I squeezed my pimple a streamer of puss came out and it looked like a string of cupcake icing”. D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G!!!! PLEASE if I ever start writing about that stuff chop both my hands off!!! YUCK

fakers

I’m writing a speech to tell the people in the year below me at uni what it’s like to be a social worker. I’ve been working as a social worker for 24 weeks today and I am wondering what I know that would be worth telling 100 of my peers. I’m going to tell them to “fake it until they make it”. It’s funny because in my speech I’ll be faking it too when I pretend to know what I’m talking about. Be warned- there is a faker around every corner!! Ahhh!
I think I know someone else who is faking it right now.

If you're a bird then I'm a bird

Have you ever had the experience when you meet a complete stranger and instantly it feels like you have known them for years? Then there is the reverse when you see someone you have known for years and it has the awkwardness of a first meeting! Isn’t amazing how certain people can evoke such a range of feelings. Do you think that you can ever be too comfortable too quickly? I am starting to pay attention to my surroundings more and think deeper into certain sayings that stick with me. I was watching The Notebook again the other day and noticed that Noah said Ally was “his home”. I think it’s a beautiful concept! For some people, their life partner becomes “home”. It doesn’t matter where in the world they are; as long as they are together they have the content feeling of “home” and the safety and security it represents. Incredible as it is I don’t see myself ever feeling “at home” in a tent or some mud shack regardless of who I’m with. I do quite love my warm bed, tooth brush and air conditioning!!!

just jump

Well day breaks and light fills the darkest room
The air is laced with sweet perfume
What is it about morning light
That makes everything feel alright

Lisa Mitchell: Sometimes I feel like Alice

old people, babies and religion...

I am in shock! I just decided to flip through some other people’s blogs to find some to “follow”. There is nothing!!! If you don’t want to read about religion, other people’s kids or retired old folk’s travel adventures then there does not seem to be anything out there worth looking at.
Why on earth am I writing on this damn blog?

I tunes love

I have never been someone to go out and buy cd’s but now I have free range on iTunes I can’t stop myself! A simple click of my finger and I have the world at my fingertips. My credit card will bulge as I have been home and bored and as a result my spirited fingers have been saving the music world one album at a time!! I use all my will power but I can’t resist, it’s a true guilty pleasure, that and arrowroot biscuits covered in ice magic and sprinkles. Simple and spectacular! What’s your guilty pleasure?

News and current affairs, what can we do?

Image from http://www.pedigreeadoption.com.au/adoptadog.aspx

When engaging in conversations about what is going on in the world I am never able to make a contribution on every topic. Although I take an interest in the news I do not make an effort to know what’s happening on a daily basis. People may have their views on this, my dad for one finds it extraordinarily frustrating. About once a week I click around on the internet for a quick catch up on anything the radio may have missed between songs. If someone mentions something I know nothing about I’ll usually make the effort to catch up if it sounds interesting or important. People always make comments about the things “you should know” but do they think about the things you should do now you know? What good is it to know everything and do nothing about anything?

I think it would be great if there was a section on the news called “how can we help?” without always asking for monitory donations this segment would discuss how we can create change on a grass roots level. Cup cake stalls, letter box drops, donating a bit of our time here and there. On Sunrise the other day they were harping on about the need for abused and neglected children who have been removed and placed into foster care to receive “real care” as apposed the “care” children in foster care currently receive. This would have been the perfect time for them to discuss foster care and thank carers who have already juggled their lives to include a fostered child into their family. Instead they moved on to the next topic. Grr! As someone working in Out-of-Home Care I found this offensive. Their passing comment implied that the care currently being provided by carers isn’t up to an adequate standard. This is an incredibly distorted view of what is really going on. The simple fact is there are not enough registered carers for the number of children who require “real care” because people are watching their news shows and doing nothing in response. Carers are ordinary people doing something extraordinary! They open their hearts, their homes and in the majority of situations their pockets. Children in care are simply children, they require food, a warm bed, baths, patience and love just like any other child. Confidentiality legislation protects these children from being plastered on the news with pictures attached to tug our heart strings like a homeless puppy but they still exist in numbers and require loving homes.

Some people are responding to the news. An abused cat has attracted roughly $6000 worth of donations as it was featured all over current affair shows last week. Six thousand dollars! My opinion is that people only want to hear “the news” if they can sit comfortably sipping their tea and shift the blame, so they can continue on with their lives. The people who abused the cat are labeled as society’s sickest. People wrote in and stated they should be jailed publicly shamed. What if they were abused kids? What if they were burnt and tortured? Would our reaction still be the same? I am not saying it is ok for anyone to behave in this manner but it has to come from somewhere. A fat lot of good watching and playing the blame game is going to do anyone.

I am not saying don’t watch the news. I just think people should try act in response to the issues as well. I think we should watch and consider what part we play in allowing all these things to keep happening. Where do we fit into the system which can’t prevent kids being abused in or out of care, can't provide enough medical assistance in hospitals, allows people to be mugged and bashed as they eat their lunch? They’re the issues touched on today in Sydney alone, I’m not even going to start on where we fit into the bigger picture. So when you do tune into the news rather than just watching maybe start thinking “how can I help?”. Thinking about it is the first step, acting on it is the vital one. I know since writing this I’ll definitely try think and act more.