Thoughts of a lonely lover..

I'm flying back to Sydney from Adelaide aware I won't see Rich for at least another month. It's a weird kind of marriage but it is what it is and I wouldn't want anyone else. I try rationalise it- our time together is so good maybe it would be greedy to have that all the time. I know that's silly but it's hard to accept that we'll pretty much be apart from now until November as he'll be in Perth until June then off to the Middle East. As I'm a planner I tend to think of the future and the big picture however I'm learning- being married to someone in the military means sometimes you have to take things one day at a time. I'm working on something us counsellors would call "cognitive reframe" by challenging some of the "poor me" thoughts I've been having. The first thought I used to have all the time is "he's chosen to be in the navy and because of that we're apart so he needs to be there for me" I probably didn't think enough about the fact that this is hard for him too. I'm not completely at fault because he never talked about anything to show he needed support but he does. Now when I'm feeling like I'm going to fall apart I think "come on Em be strong for your husband he needs you" for some reason this helps me to put my tears to one side, take a deep breath and be present for the little bits of time we do have together. I'll be strong for my marriage, I chose him with open eyes so I chose this too. The second thought I've been having is "from the moment we say goodbye every second is closer to when we'll see each other again". This has been helping me get on with things. The first few days are the hardest so just chip away because they won't last forever, he won't be gone forever, you can't cry forever- eventually there will be sleep and then you're another day closer to his embrace.

A moment to reconnect

It seems crazy to think I have not written here for such a long time. Last time I blogged I was in a relationship with Rich but he’d been away a bit for work so I spent a lot of time out with the girls out observing the madness of Sydney single life. Now Rich and I are married and those same girls and I get together for dinner parties with our husbands and talk about furniture, cooking and trying to maintain a work life balance (sometimes more successfully than others). I’m staring down the path to the rest of my life and complete with all the challenges I know are coming my way I’m excited for what the future holds. I hope to rebuild my relationship with this blog and use it as a forum to process life in this big wide world. Adventures are waiting...

Into the Wild

The Sydney single scene is madness! Female tigers ditch their stripes and eagerly bolt down George Street whilst throwing back the local river water- vodka. They have been locked away in their cages all day and now they are ready to perform as the clock ticks past five on a Friday afternoon. Down to the river they bound as they are off to tackle their pray… Blissfully unaware of the pack moving in on them the penguins wait. They can be found huddled together around Ryan’s River waiting for Hendrix to flow over the ice cold rocks into their dry salivating beaks. Alas it is the weekend, time to drink away their worries and forget about all the chicks to feed when there are not enough fish in the sea. This unusual bread of Penguin comes in all shapes and sizes. Although predominantly black from behind they come in short, tall, large and small. What appears to be ideal pray may turn around and suddenly not be all that he seemed. Tigers with a well trained eye know there are some things to look for when assessing a penguin, consider the pads on his feet, the colour of his chest, the cleanliness of his hair and most of all the smell from his beak! Ladies, don’t be fooled by a cluster of penguins; no two are alike leaving them unpredictable for any tiger who considers them as pray. To some it may seem unusual to find both Penguins and Tigers in the same place, but this world is every bit as weird and wacky as it seems. There are no rules to guide how you play the game only that you must be over eighteen enter, anything else is fair play. Remember, if you are stepping into the wild this week try not to stand too close to the river as your eye sight may become limited, your tiger instincts may become out of control and in some situations you could start to pounce on meat too young for your years or too old, tough and grey. To avoid this disaster keep a fellow tiger close at all times. Other tigers can be the difference between surviving in the wild and being devoured by a penguin when you least expect it.

An UnChair Affair

You know you are not going to have a good day when you get to work and your chair is missing! I have been in my job for two years now and without know it I have formed quite an attachment to my chair. I had not thought about this until I arrived at work yesterday and it was gone! Now I can't get comfortable on the new grey chair that sits in it's place. The gray chair is not welcome under my desk and it I get the impression it feels the same way about me. The back of it leans so far towards me that it feels as though it wants to push me off, on top of this the arms on it don't fit under my desk. This chair and I will not be friends.

Humble

Around this time of year people take some time to reflect and think about what they could do better in the year to come. Having lost two mobile phones in the last 5 months my first new year’s resolution is to not lose my phone all through 2011! My second (amongst many) improvement area is that I would like to focus more on being “humble”. When I talk about people who I respect and admire I find myself so often using the word “humble” to describe them. I tend to think this means quietly confident. I love this quality in people! I don’t consider myself a humble person. I get so excited when I do something well that I tend to tell anyone who will listen. I’m a “talker” and I don’t think being such a chatter box is going to help me with this but I’ll give it a go. So, in 2011 I would like to improve at my job as much as I can so that I can be confident in new and daunting work situations. I want to be quietly confident and remain open to change and new ideas.
In the January issue of Cosmo 2011 they explain that you should have an inspiration board so every day you can face the future which you want to build for yourself, and ultimately through hard work and positivity you should achieve your dreams. These images and words of inspiration should be ideas not objects to purchase in the store. My first word will be “Humble” and I am about to go write it on a pink post it. What would your word be?

Image from http://connect.in.com/princess-diana-crash-photos/images-princess-diana-3-332741542142.html

fuzzzzz

Today one of my clients sent a big bunch of flowers to me at work just to say thanks. The card read “To Emily, thank you for all your hard work! You’re the best! From …” out of nowhere I got this incredible unexpected validation that I am doing something useful which people appreciate. It was one of my most satisfying moments of my professional career thus far and I have been carrying the flowers around the house, room to room so I can look at them wherever I am.
Around Christmas everyone gives out warm fuzzy messages in cards saying how much people mean to them. What I am wondering is why do we wait? Why wait for a special occasion to tell someone they are doing a good job, are a great friend or that you appreciate them. Yesterday was the day to start telling people how special they are, did you? If not its better late than never so get your warm fuzzy face on!

November

The world is spinning, around and around. People are winning they jump from the ground.
I’m still standing, standing tall. Making changes big and small.
My life is simple, not moving fast. Day to day, settled at last.
So I watch others with a smile. Knowing it might be me in a while
But for now I keep my pace, wondering through my life, not entering the race.