Long distance love survival guide

Survival guide Build common goals- when you don't live together you need some things talk about. Call on your friends but don't expect them to fully understand- they are good for wine and pizza, they love you but expecting them to understand how you feel is asking too much. Take control of your thoughts- you're in this relationship because you want to be. Own your decision so you don't feel defeated. Have a pity party for a day or two and then stop, shake it off and look ahead. You're already two days closer to when you see them again. Ask your partner questions- what was the best part of your day and what was the worst part. If you can only talk once a month the best/worst question is also a good one. If you're living in the house where you were living together- change it up! Keep it the way you want to. Play the music you love that they may not like because you can! I love the fact that when my husband is away all the decorative cushions stay exactly the way I like them! Find these perks. If you're lonely consider getting a flat mate. It adds another dimension to your independent world. Pick your moments: you wouldn't raise an important issue whilst on the train if you were going to see them when you got home. This same rule applies. If you need to raise something important make sure they're in a private space with time to discuss the issue just like you would if they were with you (I hope). Send selfies of you doing the normal things like drinking a cup of tea or cooking dinner in your PJ's. They want to see you just they way you are usually at home not all dolled up all the time. Keep it real! Don't count the days unless you personally find that helpful. Sometimes it can make it seem overwhelming! Just chip away one day at a time.

Thoughts of a lonely lover..

I'm flying back to Sydney from Adelaide aware I won't see Rich for at least another month. It's a weird kind of marriage but it is what it is and I wouldn't want anyone else. I try rationalise it- our time together is so good maybe it would be greedy to have that all the time. I know that's silly but it's hard to accept that we'll pretty much be apart from now until November as he'll be in Perth until June then off to the Middle East. As I'm a planner I tend to think of the future and the big picture however I'm learning- being married to someone in the military means sometimes you have to take things one day at a time. I'm working on something us counsellors would call "cognitive reframe" by challenging some of the "poor me" thoughts I've been having. The first thought I used to have all the time is "he's chosen to be in the navy and because of that we're apart so he needs to be there for me" I probably didn't think enough about the fact that this is hard for him too. I'm not completely at fault because he never talked about anything to show he needed support but he does. Now when I'm feeling like I'm going to fall apart I think "come on Em be strong for your husband he needs you" for some reason this helps me to put my tears to one side, take a deep breath and be present for the little bits of time we do have together. I'll be strong for my marriage, I chose him with open eyes so I chose this too. The second thought I've been having is "from the moment we say goodbye every second is closer to when we'll see each other again". This has been helping me get on with things. The first few days are the hardest so just chip away because they won't last forever, he won't be gone forever, you can't cry forever- eventually there will be sleep and then you're another day closer to his embrace.